Tonight I am grateful for so much difficulty today, as well as pleasure.

I am grateful to feel kind of blank and disassociated and unsure if I have anything else to write right now, even though most nights I could go on and on forever.

I am grateful to realize that it seems I am often going to bed overflowing with gratitude.

I am grateful there isn’t an absence of gratitude right now, but a numbness… a riding of the edge of massiveness of feeling and I suppose evading the falling into it.

I am grateful to so often feel like a tightrope walker over the abyss.

I am grateful so much pain wants to move in me… coming up around … not being able to communicate… around not feeling recognized and feeling pulled on mental trips … aggressive verbal intellectual exchanges because we are not trained to stay in the spaciousness of our connected presence.

I am grateful to have asked for a shared breath when I noticed this happening with someone I care a lot about… even if they stubbornly refused.

I am grateful to feel so deeply in my bones that a person secure in their sovereignty would never deny another person a shared breath and naturally recognizes this as one of the greatest gifts possible.

I am grateful to see this other person as shut down, fixated, and conditioned into ongoing disorder … that a shared breath is such an off the mark request… as when one is deeply connected to regulating their own nervous system one is invariably open to such things as sacred on…