Tonight I am grateful for my dad and the various memories arising as he lays in a hospital bed across the country … in what state I’m not sure.

I am grateful that my brother has me to dump his rage on instead of answering my basic questions… even though it leaves me in the dark… maybe the dark is best… maybe that’s how my Dad feels… maybe I’ve been set up to empathize with him right now.

I am grateful I’ve practiced this before… connecting and being with… without physical proximity or phones or gadgets of any sort.

I am grateful I walked into a glass wall yesterday and smashed my forehead really hard… and that I’ve only ever seen drunk people do that… and the only person watching was my new lover… and maybe his ex as she drove by… and that I smashed my other too because my mouth was open to holler at my little dog not to run at her moving vehicle.

I am grateful to contemplate… in an unconscious state after multiple strokes in a day… my Dad might feel pretty trapped in there… like a glass ceiling… and our psychic connection creates the opportunity for me to understand.

I am grateful to cry a lot without thinking or grasping… just feeling it when it’s there and letting it flow. I am grateful for a bag of pot found in the house and that it felt like some kind estate to break my extensive absence from smoking to puff in solidarity to my brother. I love how we convince ourselves of things that are and are not true.

I am grateful for the 6 pack of mini Pepsi cans I got last night after I found out… returning to…