Tonight I am grateful for a burning candle on a makeshift alter at b’n’b … that’s totally alright… yet also not exactly meeting my aesthetic desires for when I spend a hundred dollars a night to stay somewhere.

I am glad how much I am thinking about money in very different ways than other eras of my life. I’m grateful it is much more flowing … and yet the tight fistedness of fear still lingers.

I am grateful to be connecting with my brother… and to meet with intense and difficult moments in our exchanges… and take breaks from interacting… and return humbled and open to continue making effort and receiving attention and understanding from the other.

I am grateful for his family that hosted me last night and my nephews for being so dang cute and snuggly. I am glad I am getting to know them and them me.

I am grateful my kid and his dad are likely having a great time together back home… and that they answer the phone every time I call and love me up no matter the personal weather I am in.

I am grateful my Dad is relatively alert and able to interact …. Even though we really have zero clue how this will go for him.. or for us. I am grateful my brother is being a control freak but not blocking me out… glad I have no desire to take the lead… but can also support and just hold space. I am grateful I have been practicing holding space and not competing … while also bringing my voice and energy to conversation and environment.

I am grateful for not much sleep the past few days … an awesome multi-part nap on the…